2 October 2003

Convert-itis

Yeah, yeah, so it’s been a long time since I posted. I’ve been outta town, and writing a fair bit o’ music lately, so the blog lapsed. However, it’s time to post again, so here we go!

Ok, after reading some recent posts and comments on other blogs, and after a fabulous and life-filled weekend with some very good friends in Illinois, I have a bit of a rant to go on…convertitis. Where should I begin? Well, perhaps I’ll start with why I’m ranting. Being a convert to Orthodoxy myself (in so many uncertain terms…) I know that I’m going to border dangerously on shining the light on my own failures. The content of some of the posts and more importantly, the comments to those posts was, in my opinion, disappointing. Also, as far as visiting friends go; our friends in Illinois know a couple that converted to Orthodoxy about a year ago, and have a bad case of convertitis, which also contributes to my rant. For those who may wonder what I’m talking about, convertitis is this: Protestant (usually) or other Christian who converts to Orthodox Christianity and then proceeds to convince everyone they’ve ever known that they are now “right” and everyone else is “wrong” or not in the Church at all. Here’s my rant.

Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Isn’t it enough that we’ve found the ancient faith? Isn’t it enough that God is more merciful than we could ever dream of in our fallen state? Isn’t it enough that Christ himself gave his very life as a sacrifice for our sin so that we may live? Isn’t it enough to just know within ourselves that our heritage is joy unspeakable? Why is there this incessant need to TALK!! Why is there this driving force of evangelistic piety and talking “down to?” I’m tired of hearing about this. I suppose as long as we are fallen, it will continue to happen, but I still don’t have to like it. So many of us found Orthodoxy and fell in love with the Living Tradition of it, and more importantly, with the Living God who fills its very Sacramental life. Why then must so many feel compelled to raise the sceptre of righteousness above their heads and strike the hearts of all those who don’t recognize the “fullness of the faith” in the Orthodox Church? Our friends acquaintances are on the far end of this rope, cutting off those who would disagree with their beliefs. They disregard basic, God-given friendship and love in exchange for piety and religion. And as for the more subtle of the sickness, there is this incessant need to try and convert all other Christians that we come in contact with under the guise that we are somehow “saving” them from the wiles and evils of Protestantism. Don’t get me wrong, I think that there are many very dangerous heresies out there. However, there seems to be simply just too much talking AT and not enough talking TO, or maybe even better, too little LISTENING to those around us. Lord have mercy!

Janna and I were talking about this tonight, and we believe that much of it lies in the heart of the conversion of Western-minded, evangelical, fundamentalists into the Orthodox Church. So much of western Christianity is saturated with the Great Commission. So many other Christians I meet are driven by the commission to save souls and win hearts for Jesus over all other things. I am disheartened by this drive and lack of vision, wherever I see it, be it Protestantism, Rome, or Orthodoxy. When this mindset is then inundated with Orthodox theology, sometimes there becomes this dangerous mix of, “My task is still to win souls, but now I’m RIGHT and must win souls not only to Jesus, but to the RIGHT church.” It is this response that so many people in the E.O.C. found distasteful in the past, and so many good hearted, faithful believers find repulsive now. I mean honestly, how many of us would want to listen to anyone that stands on the platform of “true faith” and “right worship” and talks down to us as we are looking for real answers? Compassion for where I’m at now; often non-existent.

I propose a much simpler means of evangelization…living a life of love. And I don’t mean Orthodox evangelization, I mean simple, beyond explanation, witnessing to Love. I myself was “saved” and eventually converted to Orthodoxy by love; pure and simple. Someone gave themselves up as a sacrifice to God for me, and I saw it and wanted what it was that they had. I saw a peace in them and their belief about God. I saw that no matter what was happening around them, their peace came from a different Source, and their strength was inflamed by a liturgy of life and prayer. How many of you experienced this as well? I have a notion that the more I love people and let my life be an example of Love, no matter how poor that example may be, I will save thousands around me. If I deign to proclaim the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words, then those who are lost may be found. Quite simply, Jesus never spoke much about theology. Sure, He knew the Law and not only obeyed it in every way, but fulfilled it so that we might be free in it. He spoke of loving God with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. In writing all of this, I am more aware than ever that I’m the cause of much pain and suffering; me, Luke Seraphim in all of my splendor. Most of the pain that I’ve caused has come from my tongue (sharper than a sword at times) and I’ve fallen WAY short of the glory to which I was born. Still, I will aspire to reach that from which I was cast for my own salvation; Paradise and the arms of my Creator. And, on the way back, I hope that I will be able to love and seek the lost more than I am able to breathe. In the words of Bill Mallonee, “No winners and losers; same in the end. I was hoping for a perfect world, no shirts, no skins.” Amen Bill, amen. While Orthodoxy may be the truth and the ancient faith, we are not called to draw a box and distinguish who are shirts and who are skins. I know that God meets His children wherever they may be, and I am called simply to bear witness to the Light, and above all things, to have fervent love for my brothers and sisters. The choice of which tradition to follow is not as important as the initial choice to seek God all the days of our lives. In doing this, He will reveal the path ahead, and He will call us all to His One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. And in the end, isn’t Orthodoxy just about learning how to Love God and all mankind more fervently anyway? Don’t all the Fathers point to Christ and to learning how to love Him? Perhaps if we all focus more on Love himself and less on loving ourselves and “getting it right” we can radically change the Church and many lives around us. Lord grant us all the wisdom, strength, and love to do just that, in our strength and in our poverty; and even so Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Category: Orthodoxy, Spirituality | 8 Comments on Convert-itis
7 September 2003

New Hampshire Redemption

Well, it’s been a week since I’ve posted, but for good reason. I returned on Fri. from a trip to New Hampshire to see J. graduate from His Mansion Ministries, after a year long stay there. The whole trip was beautiful and so full of light and grace. I’m having a hard time finding words that will do the whole trip justice, but I’ll try. God is truly amazing and so full of love for His creation. First of all, as a report, J. is doing great. He has a peace about him that I haven’t seen for many years, and his willingness to accept his own mistakes and limitations is astounding and also a blessing. I was honored to be there for his graduation, and amazed at the love bestowed on me and J’s folks by the staff there at His Mansion. I commented to Janna after I returned, that one can always tell when you are in the presence of true believers. Jesus said that “the world will know (them) by (their) love.” This is precisely what I experience that truly reaches into that inner place in my heart and burns with love returned. I can’t imagine anything more pleasing to God that when His servants love one another. Whether we are Protestant, Roman Catholic, or Orthodox, the love of God is the thing we need to show to each other and the world. It was this love and acceptance that above all things made me feel welcome and also seemed to transcend the veil that the world casts on life, and for a brief shining instance you see REAL life; more alive and vibrant than you ever dreamed possible.

The rest of the the trip can be summed up by one experience…summiting Mt. Washington. Mt. Washington is 6, 300 ft. tall, and is the highest point in the Northeast. We left His Mansion in the fog and rain, and it was a two hour drive to Mt. Washington. J. really wanted to go and stand there one last time before he left. He had hiked over it twice before during his Appalachian Trail days. I’m sure there is a special connection there for him. Anyway, we left and drove up there, already expecting the worst, as it was a crummy day. We arrived at the special access road to the top and the Ranger informed us that, not only was it very expensive to go up, but visibility at the top was only 50 feet. We all glanced up the mountain to see the top 1/3 covered in clouds. Well, here’s the kicker; I knew how much this trip meant to J., and I also really wanted to see off the top of the mountain, so I prayed for a good portion of the trip; giving thanks to God for everything, and also praying for friends and family, etc. One of the things I asked the Lord was that he let the sun shine for just one hour so that J. would have this one last gift before he left for Alaska. Well, God never disappoints. Lo and behold, we got 2/3 up the side of the mountain, and all of the clouds parted and the sun came out full force. The entire hour we spent hiking around the summit, the sun stayed out and the winds died down. As soon as we got in the car and began heading back down the mountain, the clouds and fog rolled in and the sun disappeared. One of the scientists that staff the weather stations on the mountain, commented to us about how rare the weather was. He said that they get about 3 really clear days a year there, and this was really odd. Alleluia! Thanks be to God for the gift of sunlight! Well, needless to say, I was amazed, and then I felt ashamed. I hadn’t really believed that God would do it. I felt like, “Why would he clear up the sky just for my stupid prayer?” Lord have mercy. Of course He did it. He did it because I asked. No pride, no hidden agendas, just a simple request. Why do I ever doubt that perfect love? Wow.

Well, needless to say, it was an amazing trip. There’s so much more I could say, but words would never do it justice. I can only describe the way the dew looked on that green grass, and the way the fog hung like a shroud on the mountainside there at the Mansion. However, this doesn’t equate to seeing it with your own eyes, and feeling it in your soul. God is indeed full of amazing grace, and the beauty of His Creation is more than I can bear sometimes. It breaks my heart with a longing for that new earth that will never pass away. I sincerely hope that C.S. Lewis is right in “The Last Battle” of the Chronicles of Narnia, when he descibes how the New Narnia (New Earth) “looked just like the old one, only more so.” Rich Mullins has a song lyric that goes, “No one ever tells you when you get born here, how much you’ll come to love it but how you’ll never belong here.” Yeah, that’s about it. Just as on the top of the mountain, looking out over all that beauty that God made, I’ll ever cry, EVEN SO LORD JESUS, COME QUICKLY!

Category: Life, Spirituality, Travel | 2 Comments on New Hampshire Redemption
28 August 2003

BS&T Day

8/28/2003 @ 10:49p.m.

Tessa at 6 Weeks

Yes, that’s right. Today has been mostly a “Spinnin’ Wheel” Day. (Old Blood, Sweat, and Tears song…if you don’t know it, you should) I’m believing more and more that men go through some type of “cycle” just like women do every month. Perhaps it’s the moon’s gravitational pull. Perhaps it’s the closeness of Mars. Perhaps it’s the 36 oz. of Italian Roast coffee. Perhaps it’s the secret black box government mind control tests. I don’t know. All I know is that sometimes I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. Content one moment and cranky the next; much like my little Goddaughter. I’m learning so much about myself from her. I never would have guessed that I would see more of the Truth from a 4 week old baby. I’m beginning to see the great blessing in having children. Not sure if I’m ready for my own yet…

Tess cries one moment, eats the next, and then goes to sleep…not much different from most adults I know; just a lot less complicated. I suppose not much different than me. 🙂 (Except for the complicated part of course.)Which, begs the question: Why does she seem so content, and I seem so unsatisfied? With some thinking, I believe that I am starting to understand Christ’s words, “…you must become like little children…” When I look into Tessa’s eyes, I see complete humility & meekness, simple trust, unconditional love, and deep serenity. She trusts me completely, and without question. There is no hint of doubt in her eyes. She looks at me when I hold her with this love that permeates the cloud that hangs on my heart, and I know that her love for me is not dependent on the fact that I’m holding her, becuase I see it everytime she gazes at me. And the peace in that gaze…good Lord! How I long to be wrapped in that! To be held in the love and peace that I see there in her eyes.

What is it then that happens to us; to me. To go from that to this; from peace to fear; from trust to doubt. Why do I wrap myself up in all the cares of this world? Why do I buy from the brokers of lies? Why do I believe the lie that I am alone in this world; that no one is out there? Why, when I have the unconditional love of The Lover, do I let myself feel rejected and unworthy? Why can’t I just simply TRUST in that Love? I mean, Jesus came to ME, Luke, and I still feel alone!!! I see now why I need to go back, in a sense. If it’s true that, because of the Lie and ultimately our choice, the world is upside down, then the path of wisdom lies in becoming a child again. So, I suppose it’s true that everything I ever needed to know, I learned in kindergarten. Or, perhaps even sooner. Perhaps I was born with everything I needed to know, and I’ve just chosen to forget it. Scary thought. I’m born with the knowledge of God, all the trust and grace I’ll ever need, and yet now, 25 years later, I’ve got to work hard just to remember that I’m still His.

So how does it end then? The more I get the blessing of holding little Tess, the more I think I understand. Everything Jesus ever said was so simple that “even” children could understand it. I (and most likely all adults) add on the “even” to the children. As if we really ever understand. Yet, for all of the things our Lord said, so many of the “intellectuals” of the time had absolutely NO idea what he meant. The children seemed to get it just fine! I think Solomon summed it up best by saying, “I’ve found that God created us to be very simple; and we have made ourselves very complicated.” Look at the troubles that divide humanity; war, racism, greed, power, sex, etc. A child cares for none of it! She learn’s to care about it. We, in all of our wisdom, raise kids to be “adults” and to think “maturely” on their own. We teach them to fear. “Be careful! Watch out! That choice may lead you to suffering. You don’t want to hurt do you?” “Make sure you keep your grades up.” “You want to go to college and be “successful” don’t you?” “Make sure you don’t get married until you’re out of college and have a stable job; You’re not old enough to make good decisions yet.” and on and on and on. The sad thing is, this permeates the Church as well. For instance, “You can go to church camp as long as you won’t get kicked off the football team for missing practice.” “No, you can’t quit school for a semester and go on a missions trip! Do you want to throw away the best years of your life?” “Your ball games are on Sundays? Well, I guess we’ll just have to miss church for a few weeks.” We teach our kids that what matters most isn’t knowing God and living a life of love; it’s getting a good education so that they can have a great career that will provide them with a stable future so that they won’t have to suffer. They learn to distrust God, and then are robbed of wonder. Life becomes so regimented that it loses all sense of awe. Is it any suprise then that suicide is the number one killer of adolescents? Then, after telling them all this, we read them scripture and tell them that God should be most important in our lives. It’s a double standard. Why do we look suprised then when less and less of todays youth desire to serve the Lord in ministry? Why do we water down the Gospel until it just becomes a nice “idea?” Rich Mullins says, “Christianity is not about building a perfect little niche in the world, where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little kids in your perfect little house, where there are no gays or minority groups around you.”

I wholeheartedly agree, and I can only pray that as I am transformed into being God’s in the measure He so desires, that I will pass on to my God-daughter, and eventually (God-willing) my own kids a sense of the wonder and awe that He has bestowed upon me. I can teach them to laugh and love all of their lives, and by my example to remember that living a life of love is more important than living a life of limited liabilities. Perhaps, in doing this, I will remember what it was like to love unconditionally and without fear of rejection, and finally acquire inner peace and complete trust in the all sufficient Grace of God. All I know is that I see Him in little Tessa’s eyes, and I never want to look away. That’s contentment! Glory to God for All Things!

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